Pisces Moon Conjunct Neptune

The Moon is in Pisces today, a mutable water sign, which means it is the aspect of water that is most in tune with its liquid nature, malleable, flexible, and adaptable, but also slippery and elusive. The Pisces Moon is form a conjunction with its co-ruler Neptune which will be exact tomorrow. This is the most beneficial part of this weekend’s intense astrological weather. Use this dreamy, nebulous energy to tap into your intuitive side or to act with compassion towards yourself and others.

The Moon is also moving in to square the fateful nodes of the Moon, which are located along the Gemini-Sagittarius axis right now. This will add some tension to the emotional lives of the collective, and probably throw up a lot of subconscious matter in form of acting out from our shadows. We may feel inclined to follow our whims and speak from emotional reaction instead of our larger wisdom this weekend. 

The card I pulled for this weekend’s energy reading is the Devil. While this is an intimidating card for many, it is one of my favourites. It reminds us to tend to our shadow, the part of us that we reject, deny, and abandon, before it wrecks havoc in our lives. Pisces is the sign of the unconscious, and many shadows lurk there. By doing our inner work and facing our demons, we empower ourselves. I have a shadow work through the signs Youtube series, you can see it via a link on my website. So far I’ve done Libra, Aries and Scorpio with Taurus and the rest of the signs coming next.

Moon’s Ingress into Aquarius

Today the New Moon moved out of Capricorn and into Aquarius. Both are signs ruled by Saturn, and we can feel strong Saturn themes throughout the day today, and, indeed, we have been feeling this for some time and will for some time to come as the slower moving planets transit this area of the zodiac. New Moon energy is still available for manifestation and setting intentions. To best be in alignment with these Saturnian energies that are available to us we can do things like take care of things we have been putting off or take real action towards starting that new project. Saturn in Aquarius reminds is to think of the needs of our communities and the groups we are a part of. 

Today turbulent emotions are held in check by the detached tendencies of the Moon in Aquarius as well as its conjunction to Saturn in the same sign. Many will feel the need to burst forth rashly despite this as the Moon, which rules our emotions and our subconscious, joins Saturn’s square to bullish Mars in Taurus which is already conjunct rebellious Uranus in its fall.  The Moon will also move to join Jupiter in a conjunction in Aquarius later today, which can help to ease tensions and keep people mindful of the greater good. The Moon will be forming a friendly sextile to Chiron, and chirotic contacts are never painless. The contact of the Moon to Chiron, the wounded healer, draws out collective trauma around selfhood and (dis)empowerment that the energies of today touch on.  Let us hope that this trauma that is brought out brings an opportunity for healing via this sextile as when poison is drawn from a wound.

The Moon, very busy today, is also approaching a conjunction with Mercury in Aquarius, indicating that many of us will feel compelled to speak on injustices from a place of righteousness. These themes will be active on the collective level quite strongly as Aquarius is the sign that rules groups and the collective and there is a stellium of planets here. But those with a lot of Aquarius, Taurus, Leos, or Scorpio in their chart will also be highly influenced. 

For today’s energy reading I drew the Temperance card reversed. Inverted cards often show an inward type of energy, and this card reminds us of the crucial importance of moderation. With the dramatic forces at work in the world both in the energetic and physical realms, we would be wise to moderate our words, thoughts, and actions by harmonizing ourselves within.

New Moon in Capricorn

Today is the New Moon in Capricorn, meaning the Sun and Moon are in close alignment, or conjunct in this earth sign. Capricorn season in the northern hemisphere stretches from the winter solstice until the chilly depths of January, when we truly feel the deepening of the blanket of snow, and when Saturn’s rulership of this sign can turn many of us melancholy from lack of sunlight and the thought of the long winter ahead. This New Moon is in close proximity to Pluto, forming a conjunction that reminds us of the lessons of this cold, distant, dwarf planet. Pluto, as the Roman god of the underworld, rules crisis, transformation, and death, so the energy of this lunation can feel somewhat fraught and intense. New Moons are a time to commence projects and set intentions for manifestation.  What you initiate under this moon would be blessed by the ability of Pluto to help you tear down what is outworn to build anew. The strong emphasis on earth and air energies right now are conducive to brainstorming, and then taking action. The Moon receives a supportive Sextile from Neptune in Pisces which will get your creative juices flowing.

The 9 of Cups is a card of self-confidence and emotional satisfaction. It reminds us of the deep pride in ourselves that we take when we take steps towards furthering our goals and dreams.

Soul Loss, Soul Retrieval and an Anniversary

Have you ever felt “not all there” for prolonged periods of time, as if you lost your light, your spark, your creativity? Did you choose to put aside things you were once passionate about, and when you think of them you feel sad and depressed? Have you gone through traumatic experiences, lost loved ones, or experienced a lot of suffering in your life? Your suffering doesn’t even have to seem huge in the eyes of the world, sensitive people often take “smaller” traumas really hard. If you said yes to a few of these questions, you may have experienced some soul loss. Indigenous cultures throughout the world, namely those who work with shamanic practice, perform rituals known as “soul retrievals” to gather the lost parts of yourself. Jungian psychotherapy also works with these types of concepts of parts of the self.  Dissociative Identity Disorder is an extreme manifestation of soul fragmentation that can be triggered by extreme trauma. 

Working with an experienced, genuine shaman or therapist who specializes in soul retrieval can help if you think you have experienced soul loss, but you can also do this work yourself, and see how far you can go. You can begin to do your own soul retrieval work through shadow work and inner child work. Through following Joseph Campbell’s advice, “follow your bliss”, you may find yourself being in alignment with your soul’s purpose and thus find yourself getting back on track. Energy work that involves grounding yourself in your body, healing your energetic boundaries, shielding yourself while they heal, and tapping into source energy are also invaluable methods. If you have experienced a lot of trauma, yoga, EDMR, EFT (tapping), meditation, and pranayama or breath work can also be of great assistance to getting present in your body and healing from abuse of all kinds.

My experience was “accidental” or serendipitous. Four years ago today I did what my friend later called a “soul retrieval” when I recounted what happened. I didn’t really intend to do it. Your milage may vary, my circumstances and experiences are particular but I want to honour my experience and also show how magic can take place in the most everyday of experiences, and how awakening can happen when we least expect it. The potential for miracles is always within us. 

In early November 2016, I was diagnosed with two benign tumours, one lipoma where my neck meets my upper back, and another in my uterus, which was causing me to bleed heavily. These probably resulted from the toxic coping mechanisms I adopted to cope with the trauma of an abusive relationship. I didn’t eat well, and I drank a lot for years. I had put on a lot of weight around the time my narcissist husband and I stopped being intimate due to the medication he was on which made him lose interest in sex. I felt abandoned and rejected, and I also realized he was not going to change, and we started to grow apart. Something in me decided now is the time to follow my dreams, and I started pursuing an art career in the city, going to shows, openings, networking events, and by the summer I was sharing a studio downtown, and driving into the city each weekend. At the same time, my body was rebelling. I was so weak with anemia from my blood loss that sometimes I had to paint from the floor. I fell in love with someone in the art community and I was weak from that too, and things were opening inside me that had been dormant and blocked for some time. 

My doctor, who had spent years in India, prescribed yoga, which I thought was cute, since that was the last thing I expected, and I started to do yoga and intentional breathing, and began to realize how much pain, tension, and anxiety I was holding in my body. After years in isolation with my abuser in the country, it was quite a change to move in social circles suddenly. I began to become aware that I had poor boundaries, when an unsavoury character from an art opening began crossing them. I felt weak, for not knowing my boundaries or being able to tell this person that I didn’t want him to touch me like that, or send me personal messages, and so on. I remember thinking about intention, and breath, and sitting in my studio and telling myself, “I want the part of me that has a backbone.” I took a deep breath in, imagining that part of myself coming back to me. It was simply an intuitive move, something I thought may help me remember to set my boundaries, but suddenly I decided, what the hell, “I want all the missing parts of me back,” taking another deep inhale, and going about my day. 

In the days after, Trump was elected for the first time, my aunt died, and Leonard Cohen died, the first musical artist whose death ever truly struck me. This combination of events left me in a melancholy mood. I remember I had taught myself the Gayatri mantra at this time, and I walked to my studio from an art opening at the Montreal Musee des Beaux Arts in my tights, heels in hand, desolately reciting the mantra to myself on the way back, thinking of death and loss.

Not long after, on November 14, 2016, I was standing in my kitchen preparing spaghetti sauce while my husband was on the daybed, probably listening to CBC radio. I remember trying to intentionally be present in my body, to relax, to breathe. I was probably drinking wine, and maybe listening to my own music with headphones on. I started to feel strange, as if a hallucinogen was just starting to come on. I texted my friend, saying something to the effect of, “It’s a full moon, I feel strange, is the energy weird tonight or is it just me?” I didn’t wait to hear the answer as I began to feel energy shifts that I had never felt before. I had done energy work with my husband in the past, but it was always him clearing and moving my energy through Tantra, he never taught me how. He had to be the middle man, the mediator, the guru. I started to feel hyper-aware, lit up, altered. Then, all at once, I felt this etheric body enter my physical body. It literally felt like it was putting me on like a coat. I felt it stretch and slither into my limbs, not in a physical way, but a subtle way, yet still, it was palpable and distinct. I started to notice slight things, like the tension in my shoulders that had me hunched up and protected, the slightly less than perfect vision in my right eye, this was hard for my spirit to adjust to. I slowly crumpled to the ground in front of the sink, spaghetti sauce abandoned and bubbling away. I could tell that something shifted, and I started crying. I remember saying, “it hurts to be here.” I knew I had to tell my husband, my former spiritual teacher, what had happened. He was concerned, thought I was going mad, but also was taking note, sometimes believing what was happening to me, other times saying I was having a psychotic breakdown. But I knew, everything was different. I didn’t at the time know how different things would be, but the entire focus of my life changed from this point. I returned to spiritual practise, and had many awakenings, purgings, layers of ego death, and mystical experiences. What triggered it? Not just the intention, the mantra, the breath, but that all contributed. It was as if a dam had broken. I took a few steps towards resuming a spiritual practise that I had largely abandoned when my teacher-husband went blind nearly 10 years prior. I had, not quite, lost faith, but I felt like a failure as a student, and as a mystic, as he worked hard to make feel that way. I felt our spiritual path had abandoned us, and I was abandoned to my trauma and the abuse, and I was abusing myself. Quite rapidly at first, I underwent an intense purging of all that was not my higher self, and became more and more focused on standing in my power and seeing the truth of who my teacher really was, and the toll he had taken on me. I learned how weak my boundaries were and how to assert them, and how to begin to heal all the damage to my body, mind, and soul in the years to come.  All of which was guided and full of synchronicity and magic. I am ever grateful. 

Samhain Reflections

Feeling a bit emotional today isn’t surprising as the veil thins with darkness overtaking the light. The Full Moon in Taurus is a Blue Moon, the second of the year, and the Moon is conjunct Uranus, the planet which rules inspiration, shocking news, surprises, accidents, but also kundalini energy and it is known as the Great Awakener. May these energies bring to all beings the awakening you need. May you be assisted by your well and light ancestors and your spirit guides.

I’ve not been back to practising witchcraft for long. In 2016 I had my own awakening that led me back to it. I had been focusing on Tantra and meditation for years before that. But in my late teens and early 20s I was a witch. I think I must’ve been a natural witch always, with a strong relationship with nature, emotional, sexual and creative energy. I would intuitively collect relics or enact impromptu rituals. I can often tell what people are feeling, and I can intuit some of their deepest wounds. Dreams have always been a big part of the way I connect to the beyond, as well as synchronicity. I’ve deepened my connection to the divine through spiritual practise in many ways as well.

Tonight is Samhain, or Halloween. We can dress up and remind ourselves that this incarnation is but one of many and that we can be whoever we want to be. The Self that exists behind the costume of our personality is so much more.

I was feeling a bit emotional as I lit candles for my beloved dead, my grandparents, my husband, my pets. I put relics of them, roses from their funerals, a pulled tooth, a piece of tail (long story) on my altar.

The dead are not seen by most, but they can be communicated with, if you wish. Especially at times like tonight. You can always, like today, keep a candle burning in a special place for them to signify the light that always burns for them in your heart.

Shielding for Sensitive People: Pandemic Assistance

I made this video back in April to help those who, like me, are highly sensitive and maybe struggling somewhat with stress and anxiety from the pandemic. Many of you may also be picking up too much negative energy from the collective. Things are stressful in the world right now, and if you’re like me, and we have to protect ourselves in the ways we can. I go over a basic energy work foundational concept, shielding. Learn what shielding is, how it works, and how to do it in this video. In my opinion, it will work on the psychological level even if you are skeptical about energy work. I’ve been shielding regularly for 4 years and it has helped me navigate my increasing sensitivity that began during an ascension experience a few years ago. I was in such a heightened state that I was very sensitive to the energy, thoughts and emotions of others. Shielding is instrumental when doing inner work on the astral plane, when out in crowds, and to protect yourself from psychic attack and unwanted energy cords.

11 Tips for Divination

Perhaps you’re interested in learning how to divine for yourself, or you have been divining for a while, as I have, but did not put best practises in place. No matter what form of divination you use, there are a few ways I’ve learned over the years that you can get the most accurate answers. It is too easy when you are in a state of distress and anxiety to project what you wish to hear, or over-divine, looking for the answer that will make sense to you. In so doing, often the replies get more and more muddled and inconsistent.

  1. Cleansing. Be sure to energetically cleanse yourself, and your tools. You can watch my Youtube videos on energy clearing basics for how to keep your chakras and energy field clear. To clear your tools there are a few methods. Many are aware of how to cleanse crystals on a full moon night, and that is certainly valid, but you don’t have to wait until the full moon to cleanse your divination tools. Also you may not want to leave a deck of cards out in the weather! You can also cleanse your tools in a bowl of sea salt, or just with your mind and energy. Follow my instructions for energy clearing and simply apply it to your tools. You will connect them to the light and bathe them in light charging and renewing them. If you divine a lot, I recommend this once a week, particularly if you have a tendency to over-divine, the energy of desperation can contaminate and confuse your tools.
  2. Detachment. Try to maintain as open and blank state as possible when you ask your question. Of course when reading for yourself you will be invested in the answer, but for that moment at least when you are shuffling your cards or holding your pendulum, clear your mind as much as possible or just focus on the question without attachment to the result. Our minds are powerful and they can impact the answer.
  3. Intuition. If you are reading Tarot or throwing the I Ching, use your intuition for when and where to cut the deck. At that moment I ask my guides or my Higher Self to help me choose the right spot to cut. Keeping a state of detachment and openness helps.
  4. Consult your Guides. If you already are in touch with your spirit guides, great, they can help you with your divination. Try to respect them and only ask questions when you really need to, when you’re serious and going to take the answer to heart. Don’t ask the same question over and over again.
  5. Get Confirmation. While you shouldn’t ask the same question a ton of different way or every day for a month, it is very wise to get confirmation especially for difficult issues. Ask your pendulum if you have a yes/no question. Then ask the Tarot. Ask to be shown a sign or shown in a dream if what you are asking is true. Look out for synchronicities.
  6. Branch Out. If you’re well acquainted with divining with the Tarot, try another deck. Or get a pendulum with a crystal that resonates with you. I recommend copper or silver, any pure metal that will conduct energy well. You can also use a necklace if you like and don’t want to buy more things. Learn how to read tea leaves, coffee grounds, or the clouds in the sky. All of nature communicates with us if we would only listen. I found learning the I Ching very beneficial because I use sticks, and it is very time consuming. So when I throw the I Ching, I have a very serious, sincere question that I always get a very serious, sincere answer to. Yes/no questions can be difficult to asses with Tarot. Use a pendulum to get a yes/no and then from there refine your question with Tarot.
  7. Journal. Take the time to write down your question and the answers you get. If you’re still learning Tarot, this will help you to remember the meanings of the cards,
  8. Read Inversions. This is a tip for those reading Tarot. If you’ve noticed, the Rider Waite deck has quite a few lovely, positive (and romantic) cards. I noticed a lack of accuracy when I was reading particularly about love interests. I thought maybe I was projecting, but when I started reading inversions I understood the nuance. Inversions allow you to see when an energy is repressed or held within and not expressed. They allow you to see the other side of the coin, it is still that thing extant, but inverted, or reversed.
  9. Gratitude. If you work with your guides (or Source or Spirit), be sure to treat them with respect and ask nicely for their assistance and guidance, and to thank them for their help. The energy of gratitude is tremendous and really, they are doing a lot for you. They warrant your gratitude. Remember that your guides aren’t puppets doing your bidding, they are real entities who are expending energy to assist you, treat them as you would a beloved and respected elder.
  10. Don’t Do Frivolous Readings. Early on when I was learning Tarot, I didn’t take it as seriously as I should and I read for my friends, “does this boy like me?” over and over and over again. It very quickly muddied up the readings and made the answers incomprehensible. You can feel when your deck is out of tune. For anyone keen on divination it can be tempting to over-divine. Don’t worry too much if you do, but try to stay mindful and clear your deck before you use it next time.
  11. Be Precise. One of the most crucial things for divining, whether you are reading for yourself or working with a reader is to have a precise question. Having a great sense of clarity about what you want to know makes all the difference in receiving a clear, accurate answer. If you want to have an intuitive reading where the cards tell you what you need to know, that’s great, but if you have a specific need, refine your question.

The Making of a Mystic

This story is long, and multi-layered, so I will start at the beginning and only go so far, but I will certainly return to this thread in other posts. I was a senior in high school and my cousin procured myself, my boyfriend and our friends some acid. At this point, we had only drank alcohol and smoked weed. This was in the early days of the internet, in 1996, and I never heard of Timothy Leary or heard of “set and setting” or any of that. I only knew it would make you hallucinate and so it should be a fun time.

I’ll spare you all the details of the trip, but suffice it to say that we proceeded as if it were a party, drinking a lot, acting stupid, and then the acid kicked in. I was very sensitive to the violent temper of my boyfriend at that time, and I remember kissing him and seeing and feeling the flesh on our faces fall away until we were moving, kissing skeletons and then we disintegrated into dust.

The most mundane part of the trip struck me the most. I was thirsty, and grabbed a big bottle of Canada Dry and started chugging it. At this point we were seeing trails, but now I didn’t just see the trails, I felt the trails, I *was* the trails. It was the most remarkable thing, I could feel time, I could feel the moment I held the bottle, the moment I lifted the bottle to my mouth and every moment in between, the moment the fizzy ginger ale hit my tongue and the moment it slid down my throat. I was experiencing all of those moments at once, and it was immensely pleasurable. Orgasmic, on an experiential level. That experience of being, of experiencing five seconds of time burned on my memory somehow. My friends and boyfriend didn’t seem to experience acid in the same way that I did. I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment, or those moments, and what it could mean.

Watching the Wake, oil on canvas, 54″ x 36″, 2001

Now at this time I was just a little, shy country girl who was raised Methodist then stopped going to Church and didn’t really believe in anything anymore, I guess you could say I was agnostic. The shame I felt growing up Methodist didn’t preoccupy me, though doubtless it still affected my feelings of guilt and shame about embodiment and sexuality on the subconscious level. I was a girl who was just starting to break out of her shell by partying with boys and dying her hair pink and I got a tongue piercing. I listened to Marilyn Manson and fancied myself a rebel. I was breaking free of my old self, and the ways everyone had perceived me and I perceived myself. But I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t like, for the most part. But from then on, I became a seeker more and more. I went to college, and did acid and shrooms, and ecstasy. Again there were these transcendent moments, that were far beyond partying. I had to discover for myself that these are sacred medicines, even the acid “told” me one day, you don’t have to use me to find what you’re looking for. It even instructed me that purifying myself would benefit me more, cleaning up my diet, dropping the caffeine and sugar, and so on. The few times I did acid became an initiatory experience for me into the meaning of life. I recall “seeing” coloured lines of energy and dubbing them “the intertwangles”, a combination word of “intertwine” and “tangle”. I had no idea that what I was seeing then was energy cords connecting everyone in that college dorm. I didn’t know when I saw my suite mate in a beautiful rainbow halo of feathers, that it was her aura.

But that suitemate and I went on a spiritual journey together, she took on the role of my teacher, which would later become a pattern for me, as she seemed to know what was going on more and I lacked self-confidence. We were trying to figure it out together. Everything seemed so grand, so meaningful, so powerful, and everyday life on the campus and even in classes, for the most part, seemed fake and illusory. Life felt like a dream that we were waking up from. I went home from college that summer and my mother had started to take an interest in paganism and Wicca. I picked up her book, Dreams, by Carl Jung, and started to understand some of my potent dreams about the animus, and to learn about my shadow, and why some of my dreams were so dark and nightmarish.

I started to learn about how to do ritual, and how to put myself into a trance. I found I could easily enter the astral realm and see and experience things there. For some reason, I didn’t think that much of it at the time and didn’t pursue it. I could also begin to feel energy between my fingertips when I held my hands closer together. Synchronicities became abundant and I started having visions (sober ones) in the mirror in low light of my face shifting into hundreds of other faces, including a man’s face with a beard. Everything felt charged, powerful and poignant, yet familiar,

Returning to college, my friend I did acid with was now my roommate and we attended goth clubs together, and went to bookstores and got Sandman comics after eating cheap Indian food. We would talk forever and philosophize, but I think it was for the best that we didn’t keep up the intensity of our regular intoxication. Over the summer a relationship ended that I thought was deeply important, one that became clear to me on acid that it was a soulmate relationship, and I entered a depression. My roommate couldn’t help me, and she became frustrated with my torpor. I kept up with classes and decided to switch my major to art. At that point, most of my creative energy got funnelled into that direction and my spiritual and hallucinogenic explorations temporarily got put on the back burner.

But I kept painting about my experiences, and they haunted me. I was obsessed with the feeling of trails, that feeling of being even just a fraction of God. I saw images in art history of Kali and Shiva, many-armed deities and I painted people with multiple arms to explore these remembrances. I started to paint myself as the animus, in form of a doppelgänger. To me, the doppelgänger and the multiplicity of the many-limbed Self were connected, somehow. These images were to occupy me to this day.